Tuesday, November 16, 2004

This is a Public Service Announcement..

"Knock, Knock"

It's not a joke.

That's the sound the door made last night when someone on the other side of it came into contact with it, in a traditional, well established custom designed to attract the attention of whoever is in the house.

It attracted my attention, as was the knockers wish. I made a mental check that it wasn't near Halloween nor close enough to Christmas for carol singers and then got up from the settee and set off to answer my visitor.

Then I stopped in my tracks and thought about David Blunketts warning yesterday when he said that terrorists are on our doorstep.

The crafty beggars, fancy disguising themselves as ordinary visitors to my house, when actually what they wanted to cause was worldwide terror.

I decided not to answer it and sat back down hoping that Osama's henchmen would go away. They did go away, but not before knocking a few more times and then placing a note through the letterbox. Maybe the TV and all the lights on convinced them that there was nobody in.

I wasn't taking any chances with the note so called the bomb disposal squad to inform them, I was met with:

"bugger off and stop wasting people's time you weirdo"

How rude, and there's me in a life or death situation. Maybe before Mr Blunkett communicates his learned views he should ensure that all the emergency services are 'on message'.

I was alone, left high and dry by the very people elected to help us. There was nothing else for it - I had to take the situation in hand. I tip-toed up to the note and gingerly picked it up. There was typed writing on it. Very clever - so we couldn't trace the handwriting, it said:

'Your windows were cleaned today - I will call back for payment later'

Bob the window cleaner is a terrorist? Oh no. They're everywhere! Parading as local handymen now, is there no level low enough that terrorists wont stoop to?

He's made an elementary mistake though in letting me know he would be back. He couldn't have picked a worse house to conduct his business - not everyone would have been as observant as Watski.

I'm going to ring the police today to get them to stake out the house.