Friday, March 25, 2005

Adventures in the sun

Insired by Mike's 'Gay, gayer, gayest' competition, I thought I'd tell of you the time when, I, err, read on and you'll get the idea.

You have to understand that I really have had to think whether it's wise sharing this story with you.

Many years ago Young Watski, Jake - who coincidentally, along with my Mother will be blog sitting when I go on hols soon, and a guy called Pete went with me on our yearly lads holiday, this time to Magaluf. Real quality places you know.

God, I really am going to get killed for telling you this.

We were on holiday for a week, of which we'd only been there a few days. In this time we'd made friends with most of the rooms above, below and next to us. The ones in the room next to us were 4 young girls from Peterborough on their first girls holiday. They latched onto us from the beginning and we took them out with us for the first few night to make sure they were safe.

Our rooms were about 7 or 8 floors up but used to nip over the gap between each others balcony to borrow things, beer mainly. It was a cosy arrangement and they did the same back.

It was really hot and the middays especially used to get very hot, having a couple of 'Brits abroad' with us we used to nip back to the room about this time to get out of the heat and invariably ended up playing cards for shots. Which we used to fix to make sure Jake lost, and who as a consequence would get very drunk, which made it easier to fix and so on. Don't worry Jake - I wont put the photos on. For a small price.

This particular midday, the girls had gone off somewhere so Young Watski nipped over the balcony to find some alcohol as we'd run out. He came back, not armed with a litre of Majorcas finest liver remover, but with a video camera.

He came up with the idea that we should film something on the camera, sneak it back in their room and not say anything about it, so they'd find it when they got back.

Hmmmm, what to do. We threw around a few ideas but none of them were that good.

"Wy don't we do a spoof gay porn?" Young Watski said. This was actually the worst idea of the lot. And typical of him.

But amazingly we did. Pete assumed the role of cameraman, he was also the narrator. The script was that he was pretending to be the girls next door neighbours (funny that) and doing a tour of our apartment on their camera to introduce ourselves.

He started off on the balcony and walked through the door into the bedroom:

"And here we have Watski, Young Watski, Pete and Jake's apartment, let's have a little look inside"

And in he walked to the bedroom to be greeted by a Young Watski, who apart from a sock over his nether regions, was totally naked, pretending to be whipping a similarly naked Jake with a belt.

Shocked by the sight he then looked up with the camera to the wardrobe where there was a little gap between the doors where you could just see me, and see that I was pretending to knock one out over this sight, this was emphasised by the 'tap, tap, tap' knocking sound on the wardrobe door..

Whilst this was happening Young Watski had secretly taken over the camera and Pete had run around the other way into the main room via the balcony and was writhing almost naked on the floor in the midst of a couple of packs of porno playing cards that we used, just in time for Young Watski to walk in, carrying on the tour of the apartment with the camera.

Our work was done. It brought a new meaning to the phrase 'and I'm spent'.

Video camera safely replaced we said no more about it during the rest of the holiday, apart from a few giggles. We've actually very rarely discussed it at all since then to be honest. How do you?

The following week, when back at home, we couldn't help but think of this video and the impact of it.

We thought about the girls who'd be telling their parents what agreat time they had, and about these great Mansfield lads they'd met who looked after them. Before they gathered round as a big family to watch the girls video memories of a great first holiday away.

Only for the sights of Magaluf to be interrupted by the aforementioned great Mansfield lads not quite as they remembered them.

Right, have a good Easter. I'm off up JonnyB's way for a few days. No misbehaving.