Friday, September 17, 2004


Learning a new job is quite a challenge, there are many things to learn and it takes a while to come up to speed with the way certain things are in a different place.

And then there's the technology. Earlier readers may recall my technology issues.

I think I must have perfected the art of looking as though I completely understand everything people try to teach me, this can be the only explanation for no software trainer ever actually checking my understanding of what they've just taught. If ever Homer Simpson was taught software packages then I imagine that I would be a lot like him in the training course:

Thinking: *Oooooh biscuits...mmmmmm....nice chocolate cookies....could do with some more though...this coffee is a bit lukewarm...wonder what's for dinner....I could do with a pee....hope we don't finish too late...lunch already?*

I seem to have my nodding knowingly act off to a tee. It's completely a facade, inside I'm thinking: 'I haven't a clue what you've just talked about' whilst planning how to do my job without having to resort to using this software. Externally I'm already an expert.

Maybe they know I dont know and are setting me adrift purposely.

As a consequence I now have lots of passwords to learn, I have one to get in to my laptop, one for my emails, and anything up to half a dozen for the different software packages I need to use. It's a lot for a guy with serial memory loss to take.

Writing passwords down is a sure sign of weakness at work, a stigma - once you've been seen writing a password down then you are automatically perceived to be at the bottom of the food chain. Me? I don't need to write them down, of course I can remember them, how hard can it be?

I thought this password required software was down, for 2 days I couldn't get in. I kept typing my log-in then my password and it kept telling me that there was an error with the I.D. Obviously the system must be down, I thought.

On the third day I tried again, still no access. So I took a deep breath and rang the help desk.

A pleasant lady answered the phone. Which was a welcome change from the fruit I normally get. Her voice was pleasant anyway, she may be the devil in a dress, hated by everyone in her office and be on the verge of being declared bankrupt whilst losing her house, husband and kids to the floozy down the road. If she was facing this then her voice didn't betray it. All credit to her.

I told her my problem and she asked me for my log-in. Once told, she replied:

"that can't be your log-in, is that the password?"

"errr, yes"

The realisation then hit me that I'd been entering my log-in and password the wrong way round. Probably about the same time as it hit her as she then started talking to me slower and in shorter words. I'd moved from needing software help to just needing help.

I gave her my log-in, it was futile, we both knew what the problem was. I thought about hanging up, pretending I'd got the wrong number, I didnt. She dragged it out for all it was worth.

I should write stuff down more.