Friday, October 08, 2004

Things that go growl in the night...and day.

*Growwwwwlllllll, oooowaaaaaaghhhhhhh, eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee* said the house. Yes. The house.

The house has begun to talk to me. Which isn't as scary as it sounds, well not now anyway. I have a constant pipe based accompaniment - a fanfare which lets the whole world know when I'm having a shower or flushing the toilet, or when I use any water at all come to think of it. It's a big growl which literally shakes the whole house from it's foundations and only stops either when I put the cold water tap on or when its gets bored of it.

I initially thought that it was a new 'Save water' campaign by the government, that they were pumping noises through the pipes to dissuade you from using too much water, then I thought that the house was just a bit angry or cold or something and was just letting off steam.

Now, I'm positive that it's trying to tell me something, I'm sure among the different pitches of growls I can hear the subliminal messages:

'eeeewwwwgghhhttthe grass on the lawn is getting a bit long don't you thinkkkkeeeooooooaaaghhhhhhhheeeeee?' or

'gggraaahhhhhhhhow can you be sure that Watski Jnr isn't leaving the iron on all dayyyyyyeeeeooowww?'.

It's begininng to get a bit embarassing too and affecting my standing on the street "Sorry about that, it's just the house." I said to my neighbour the other evening when our paths crossed on the drive at just the time the house let out a little sigh. He now thinks I'm mad.

And it's not just during the day, it also likes letting the neighbours know when I'm visiting the loo for my mid-sleep pee. It also uses this time to ask me:

'eeeeeooooooowwwdid you leave the laptop in the carrrrrrroooooowwwwlll?' or

'eeeeggggrrrraaaaaare you sure you locked the dooorrrrrreeeeeoooooowwwww?'

And I have to run downstairs to check these things. No I didnt, if you're wondering.

I wouldn't mind so much if it answered the question, but it doesn't - it just puts thoughts in my head.

Now I'm wondering whether the lawn does in fact need cutting and I've got this nagging thought that Watski Jnr has left the iron on.