Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Welcome to my world...

The radio was playing over the intercom as I walked into the BP station last night to pay.

*And here is the 7.00 news with Smarmy Bugger*

There were 2 women stood chatting to each other behind the counter as I approached to pay. I went to the slightly less tattooed one.

"So I said to him, where else am I going to smoke at break if I can't do it out the back......which pump duck?" Tattooed lady said.

"Erm, pump 1 please" I said trying to work out what a pump duck was, as I always do when I'm asked that. I can't get the picture of someone trying to inflate a duck with a footpump out of my head.

*Sources in Iraq have suggested that Margaret Hassan the aid worker kidnapped in Iraq has been murdered*

"Oh no, not another, poor bugger - thats £41.50 duck, it's awful - Did you hear that Maureen?"

"No Sandra, what did they say?"

"They've killed another one in Iraq....thanks love, just sign there duck"

"Oh no, vicious buggers - did they say who it was?"

"I think it was that do-gooder"

"What? That woman? Oooh I don't know, you wouldn't catch me anywhere near Iraq. They all want shooting dont they, they should be strung what did he say to you?"


"Terry. About smoking at break"

"Oh, he said.....would you like a half price Chocolate Orange duck?"

"No, I'm ok thanks" I said. Feeling less than ok but wondering what a Chocolate Orange Duck looked like.

"Did you tell him that we want somewhere to have a fag at break, not a half price Chocolate Orange?"

"Cackle, cackle, cackle...thanks duck, bye - Oh Maureen"

"Cackle, cackle, cackle"

"Thanks, bye" I said trying to get out of the shop as fast I could. If I'd have known I was going to subjected to Hinge and Bracket then I'd have considered doing a runner.

"Oooh dear *wiping tears of joy from eye* So anyway, he said if I wanted a break then........"

Sorry if you're enthralled by the conversation and wanted to know the next bit, but I'd run out of the shop before my ears fell off.