Thursday, November 25, 2004

Fate deals its hand...

Ever get the feeling that you're the fall guy in another persons comedy world?

Ever get the impression that the things happening to you were meant for other people?

Ever looked up at the sky, shaken your fist and shouted 'curse you Lord'?

Ever wondered why some people are allowed to take up valuable oxygen?

Ever simply wondered why?

I often wonder whether there's been some error in fate's address book which has given the other Watksi all the good stuff that was meant to be shared, yet consistently dropped all the 1 tonne anvils on my head from a great height.

I arrived home from a hard days work last night to be greeted by a whole load of somebodys stuff all over my back garden. My brothers stuff to be precise. And there was a lot of it. He and his deranged ex girlfriend (DEG) split up 'amicably' a few months ago. She's not sharpest knife in the drawer so I can only think that she's struggling to understand the word 'amicable' judging by the things she's been up to (we'll come on to knives later).

For some reason known only to them, DEG and her equally braindead family had decided to take all my brothers stuff out of storage and dump it on my back garden. No matter that my brother doesn't actually live with me. No matter that my brother lives in Nottingham. No matter that my brother is away for the week. And here's the killer - no matter that my house is actually further from the storage place than my brothers house is. They actually travelled further than they needed to to put somebody elses stuff at my house. It would be stupid if it wasn't so funny.

How I laughed when having to put it all away last night.

Fall guy in another persons comedy world? Sharpest knives? You just can't reason with people as dumb as that.

She's also been a bit busy with the sharp implements lately too, the usual cutting up his clothes stuff. But she must have got bored with clothes as she elevated herself to a new level of derangement by slashing the tyres on his bike - she's been listening to too much Alanis Morrisette I reckon.

The first time we (I) noticed that his bike had got slashed tyres was after I had borrowed it from him, picked it up from his old house, stuck it on the back of my car, driven all the way to Norfolk and attempted to start riding it at the beginning of a weekend biking trip. Only to not go very far. Oh good. Watski the fall guy again.

You have to credit her though, she has given us some amusement and made us laugh. All the things she has planned to do to my brother have actually got me instead, as happens in the best slapstick comedies. She is now the stuff of comedy legend. People only have to look at each other now to burst out laughing. So it can't be all that bad.

But it doesn't change the fact that I am creeping round, wondering what challenges fate is going to throw at me today. It wont catch me out again though, I'm onto it. Although I nearly got run over today by a Ferrari being driven at speed - I noted the personalised plate so that I could report it to the police, it was W4 TSKI.

Hang on.