Friday, August 06, 2004

Longing for coffee

Being as it was a nice day today, I thought I'd have a walk out of work at lunch time to get some fresh air away from the desk.

I had no friends and I'd previously noted a little coffee shop over the road with tables outside that I could look sophisticated at whilst sipping a coffee and reading a paper.

I'd imagine people would be commenting on my sophistication, the men would want to be me and the women would want to be with me. They'd be guessing at which Southern Mediterranean country I'd be visiting from.

The only paper they had left was The Sun.

I sat down with it and a guy with coffee stains all down his top came over to serve me. I was guessing that he'd had a bad day.

"A coffee please mate" I always like to be friendly.

"White?" He asked.

"Yes please"

"A long white one?" How rude. I nearly stood up and walked out.


"Would you like a long coffee Sir"

"A what? A long coffee? Did you say long?" I had to ask him to say it again.

"Yes Sir" Now he was looking at me as though I was the idiot. I wasnt the one trying to sell drinks by the length.

Coffee? Long? Long coffee? What can be long about a drink other than the length of time to drink it? If I said yes would he come struggling out of the back with a great vat of coffee that would take me forever to drink? Do they have a coffee mug shaped like a sundae dish but longer?

Rivers are long, roads are long. How can coffees be measured in length? Surely we should be talking about depth if anything.

If he found it necessary to talk about measurements then he could have said something like:

"Would you like a deep coffee Sir?"

That would have been a more apt question when dealing with coffee than 'long'. Or am I missing something? Yes I would like a deep coffee if thats what you mean.

I ordered it out of wide eyed curiosity. I obviously wasnt as sophisticated as I thought I was. I couldnt concentrate on my paper for thinking about what I'd be faced with when he brought my coffee to me.

What a disappointment when it arrived. It was the same as any other coffee.

But it cost more. I'd been had.

Now I know why there were coffee stains all over him.