Wednesday, October 20, 2004


I came home the other day to find that the house is overrun with little black flies, they're into everything, flying around the kitchen and generally making a nuisance of themselves. I can't put anything down without one of them landing on it within seconds, including me.

I've done a bit of research and found that my new found buzzing friends are fruit flies: 'Attracted to over-ripe fruit and often found in the home at this time of year'. Oh good.

Their name leads me to assume that they have been in the house searching for fruit. I don't know what makes them think that the unhealthiest man in the world would have fruit in his house. Well he does apparently as they've found it. Maybe it was a lucky guess. How did they get in anyway? There's no sign of forced entry.

Because of their presence I now seem to have evolved a different walk to most humans, included within the conventional left and right foot steps I've now incorporated a swish of the hand around the head accompanied by an expletive. No doubt this will be referred to in the future as the Watski wave. I can't do anything without a buzzing accompaniament.

And these things just dont understand English. "F**k off" and "Go away" means F**k off and Go away. It doesn't mean fly around me some more and get your friends to do it as well. Apparently fruit flies share 60% of the human genes - not the hearing gene, the understanding when a person wants to kill you gene or the get out of my house and stop bothering me gene it would seem.

Where are your spiders to take advantage of this situation Watski you might ask. At any other time of the year there would be a plethora of spiders in the house for me to blog about. Now? Lazy buggers. They've gone. Fled. Unable to cope, they've flown the nest looking for an easier shift. One spider missed the evacuation, probably in the no mans land half way up the drain pipe. I caught him and and now he's working overtime in the kitchen window. Although he never need work again after this. I noticed he's put on a bit of weight, his web is even beginning to bow a bit in the middle.

My research also tells me that fruit flies are 'easy to rear and maintain'. Well I've found that out easy enough - I didn't mean to rear any of the buggers and I'm maintaining them somehow, and now they're plaguing me by way of thanks. Maybe they think I'm their Dad. Why would you want to rear them anyway? Because you like things buzzing around your eyes?

'So what's the drawback with fruit flies?' the research says. I'd have thought that was pretty easy to answer. Fruit flies are the drawback with fruit flies surely. Wrong. 'The little critters have wings' it answers. Flies? Wings? Get away with yourself. Who'd have thought it? Don't most flies have wings?

But they are right to differentiate because apparently there are 2 variants of fruit flies: one with wings and one without. The ones without are bred specially to feed fish. I don't mean that they actually feed the fish, can you imagine that? I mean that they are food for fish. Why couldn't I have got that variant? It would have been much easier to catch, or stamp on. Hardly a fly though is it? Being a fly without wings is not much fun I'd guess. Especially when there's a big salmon coming towards you with it's mouth open.

"Hey wait for me you guys - hey, what's the big.... where's my wings? Hey, how come you guys can fly?" Chomp.

So I'm now cleaning the kitchen from top to bottom.

And buying some fish.