Monday, August 16, 2004

I 8 txt tlk

Some things in life are wrong. Marmite is one of them, sweetcorn is another. Frogs are especially wrong, and boats and aeroplanes I have trouble with too. Important things you see.

Add to that list Mums with mobile phones. Mums with mobile phones are wrong, Mums sending text messages is odd, but Mums with mobile phones sending text messages in text talk is mind blowing.

I should be at least thankful she's using it. We've only recently got her to switch the thing on anyway, she only ever switched it on when she wanted to use it. Which was never. And not much good for us when we were trying to contact her.

Text talk never really bothered me at first, now it's one of my greatest pet hates. The whole English language is going down the pan, it's no wonder teenagers want to get drunk and have babies. Their minds are scrambled with this new communication method.

I'd have expected my Mother of all people to not use this most primitive of languages. The family matriarch, the one woman that Watski and Watski Jnr look up to for moral guidance now stooping so low as to treat the English language with such blatant disrespect. How can I ever trust her recipes again?

Now I am forced to decipher text messages such as: "wht tme r u cming ova? lov mom", and "r u at wrk tdy?", etc. I'm going to have to see if I can borrow the Enigma decoder.

Exactly how much longer would it take to spell the words properly. Not much. It actually takes me longer to read that than it would if it were normal.

In 200 years time, the removal of vowels from words and overuse of the number 8 will be de riguer. It must be similar to the change from thee and thou to you and yours. I wouldn't have liked that too.

I blame Bernard Matthews - if it wasn't for him shortening ''beautiful' to 'bootiful' when talking about his bloody turkeys then none of this would have happened.

And 2, 4 and 8 would be able to sleep safely in the knowledge that they would still be used solely as numbers.