Friday, December 31, 2004

Just in case you were wondering..

..I have the answer to the question that has bothered you all for ages.

"What question Watksi?" I hear you all cry. "There are so many - is it the one about the meaning of life?"

No, not that one, the other one. You know, the one about the ants.

No? You weren't wondering? Course you were. Haven't we all wondered at some stage just how much an ant is worth? In pounds sterling?

For those of you that were wondering, I have the answer to the question of just how much it would actually cost to buy a living, breathing, common or garden ant.

14p. Per ant. So remember this next time you're tempted to pour hot, boiling water into an ants nest. You could be drowning your financial future.

Oh and ants don't breathe either, that breathing bit I mentioned earlier doesn't actually happen. Ants don't have lungs you see. I guess they'd do some sort of ant magic breathing substitite thing. I haven't investigated that far yet.

I know all this because I am now officially a myrmecologist.

I haven't got any qualifications, or a certificate, or anything like that. I just am one. Because of this: my christmas present.

CJ got it me - yes I know it's a bit geeky, especially as at the moment it is ant free and doing a very convincing impersonation of a perspex recepticle full of blue stuff sitting on a shelf. But I like it. Ever since we went here and saw their ant colony.

It's ant free because of the fact that I can't find any of the little beggars to kidnap and put into it. Typical. We're overrun by them in the summer and I can't find any anywhere now that I actually want some.

I've been up and down the garden path at least 50 times looking for any, with not one success. The neighbours must think I'm mad. They're probably writing their own blogs now about stupid neighbours digging random holes in the garden in near freezing temperatures and sprinkling what looks like sugar on the path.

I've even dug into the soil too but all I've found is a couple of worms and a dozy millipede that looks like he's been woken up before he wanted to. The ants must know I'm looking for them. They are clever like that. Any animal that can lift 100 times it's own body weight should not be underestimated. They're probably down the gym lifting an elephant or something.

And now onto the reason why I know ants cost 14p. I know this because enclosed in the box is an order form, for ordering ants. For people who are either too lazy to go out and catch a few, or those that are really trying their hardest but are being beaten by the forces of nature. For £3.50 you can buy yourself 25 ants. Enough to have a colony. Which works out at 14p each.

I wonder if ants know that they're 14p each, and whether they would be pleased with that or not.

Well it's either an order form for ants, or an order form for very cheap underwear typed on a broken typewriter.

We'll soon see.

That's yer lot. Have a great New Year.