Thursday, January 06, 2005

Slap and unwrap

'Tap and unwrap'.

Surely one of the most misleading phrases ever to grace the English language.

I've never tapped it, unwrapped it and seen the segments of the Terrys Chocolate Orange fall apart symmetrically awaiting my delectation like it does on the adverts.

What do you have to tap it with? A hammer?

Maybe it should be: 'run over with car then unwrap'.

After the fifth smack with the fist I'm resorting to pulling the thing apart with fingers, teeth, pens, anything I can lay my hands on. There's chocolate all over my hands, shards all over the floor, people are leaving the room for their own safety. The thing is almost ruined.

The picture is of pure desperation, anyone entering the room at the exact time that I'm throwing the chocolate orange against the wall could be excused for thinking that I've just emerged from chocolate cold turkey with a bang.

It's just not worth the effort. Buy me something easier and less frustrating to get at next year please. I mean buy CJ something easier and less frustrating for me to get at next year.

As you can tell, I'm selflessy working my way through the Christmas snackfood on behalf of the rest of the family awaiting the big health extravaganza starting next week.

It's a tough job but someones got to do it.