Thursday, June 09, 2005

Things I shoulda said....

"Hello" I said as I answered the phone. I was annoyed that it was ringing in the first place, which makes me wonder why I should have a phone at all, but I was annoyed as I was just being handed over my bag of chips at the local chipshop and as a result, dropped a few.

"Hello, is that Jen?" said the male voice on the other end. As it plainly wasn't Jen - I hope it was plain - I just hung up. If he couldn't be arsed to press the right keys into his phone then I couldn't be arsed to tell him that I wasn't the woman he was after.

The phone rang again 2 minutes later.

"Hello" I said

"Hello is that Jen?" said the prey.

"No it's not still Jen" I replied.

"Is Jen from Brighton there then, this is Simon from Wiltshire?"
he butted in.

"No, there is no Jen here, this is my phone, my name is Watski, not Jen. I don't have a Jen here and am not in, and don't have any plans to be in Brighton" I replied

"Ok, sorry mate" he said and hung up.

Damn, I wanted the last word.

Looking back though I wish I'd had more time, well I had loads of time at the time, but chips are a priority and I don't think he'd have hung on until I finished them. There are so many things I could have said:

"Yes she's here, who's calling? I'm her husband - I've just come in from wrestling alligators. What shall I say it's about?"

"Err, which Jen is it you're after. I've got 3 here, all from Brighton and they're all looking up at me from the jacuzzi"

"Yes, Jen is here but before you can talk to her please submit your credit card number"

"Are you sure you want to talk to Jen? She's a parrot"

"Yes my son, Jen is here - but before you speak to her can I ask whether you are happy? Really happy?"

"I'm sorry, your subscription to ideal partners has expired"

"Yes, but first can I interest you in a special 3 for 2 on Kleenex that we have?"

"I'm sorry, when I was just about to answer then phone Jen said to me: 'if that's Simon from Wiltshire tell him to go fuck himself'"

"Yes love, Jen is here, but are you sure it's Jen you want to talk to - you sound so manly"

Damned chips.