Monday, July 26, 2004

Restore the peace

Reading Shrubs blog, i noticed that he'd written a piece about the restoration programme on the BBC, and thought that i'd do my bit too.  The basic theory of this programme is that 30 projects that could do a with a lick of paint are showcased and viewers then vote for which one of the 30 they would like to see restored to its former glory.

It looks from his piece that Shrub is backing Sheffield Manor Lodge, I assume that's because he is from the Sheffield area.  Which is an entirely correct thing to do.   I havent seen the programme but i have gathered that Newstead Abbey, the home of Lord Byron, and more importantly for Nottinghamshire tourism purposes, after the Watski ancestral home in terms of popularity, is one of the places in the running.   So therefore it has my vote.  None of this most deserved rubbish, most local is my thought process.   And I'm not alone...

I say that i dont watch the programme but i would had to have been living in a cave to fail to miss all the activity that is going off locally surrounding it, which is how I came to know that Newstead Abbey is in the running.    Local radio and tv have got involved, the word is spreading and people are getting wound up, someone is going to burst before long. 

But more importantly, the grey vote have got involved.   And they aren't a group of people to be messed with.   Remember Emily Bishop from Coronation Street going up that tree in the red rec?  The council tax demos?  I rest my case.   G7 demo's are going to look like a game of rounders.

It all has the potential to descend into anarchy.  When areas are pitted against one another in a competition where there is only one winner then there's always going to be trouble - it's going to be a fight to the death.   Clearly defined tribal lines have already been drawn inadvertently by this programme, You're either with them or against them. 

People up and down the country are putting the finishing touches to their attack plans.  There are no rules when local pride is at stake.  When peoples back yards are involved then it gives them another level to their fight.  Motivation is high, the cause is honourable. 

It could to develop into the worst domestic violence this isle has seen for many a year.  Forget football violence, restoration violence is where its at.  Regions versus regions, towns versus cities, all in the name of history.   Organised restoration violence is going to be the next disease to plague this country, it'll become the scourge of the middle classes.  The National Trust will have its assets frozen in shame and people will be banned from travelling abroad. 

I can foresee fights organised at jumble sales, WI meetings being infiltrated, nature trails will have their directional signs turned the wrong way, country fetes will be ambushed, apple crumble recipes will have salt switched for sugar, country pubs will have their chairs knocked over and lights will be left on in churches.  

Nothing will be off limits.    I fully expect songs to be made up to sing at each other.  Future films will be made of the struggle.   I dont want to be near the knitting circle when the wrong colour wool is delivered.

For the sake of this country, this programme has to be stopped.   Before it's too late.  

Check the link to Newstead Abbey if you think i'm joking.

PS. Ignore Shrub and vote Newstead - you know it makes sense.   3rd August, BBC2.  Or else I'll send my Gran round.